Ladies, We Need to Talk. About Graciousness

A lot is being said nowadays about “feminism.” What it is, which high-profile figure exemplifies it, and whether intersectionality is justly applied by those who claim to be feminists. Less important, it seems, are comments about chivalry. American society filled out Chivalry’s death certificate decades ago, presumably because any public behavior that put women in high regard and placed a high value on their comfort and well-being was supposed to be condescending and suspicious.

So I found this on the 4CHairChicks Instagram page while looking for hair styling inspiration.  It’s a screen capture of a post by an online personality named Jacob Michael Mason.


The comments made all kinds of assumptions: that Jacob didn’t hold the door for other people, that he was coming on to the woman, or that he was in some other way a creep, plain and simple. Listen, chivalry is appreciated on my end, particularly because I encounter so many brazen hot-headed Hoteps in daily life. And then there are the guys — who can be Asian or white — who are inconsiderate on the train, who cut you off in traffic, snag your parking space or cuss you out for getting to a parking space before they had the chance to cut you off!

Public civility is declining in America, so I have no problem at all with any man of any background opening a door for me.

If you’re familiar with Jacob Mason, you might know that he doesn’t conceal his admiration for Black women, and has caught a lot of heat because of it. Apparently, both Black men who begrudge sisters the progress they are making in living healthier lives all around and valuing themselves cannot stand the idea that they would have to compete with men of other cultures for the opportunity to take a Black woman for granted! They lurk around every corner, waiting to pounce and call it “a wrap” on Black women. And their female lieutenants think they are so enlightened and hip to the bulls**t, regularly fighting to ensure that Black women never, ever peep one word about the mistreatment and avoidable hardships they often withstand with Black men. (Their typewriters must be on fire in response to “Lemonade.”)

I’ve never subscribed to the mainly American notion that only deviant white men ever openly express an attraction to Black women. I’m well aware of the history of the North Atlantic slave trade, and even early miscegenation on the West Coast of Africa. I’m also completely over the whiny assumption that European white men often see Black women as sex workers and not much else. Yes, I know there are pervs in the world, but Jacob is not one of them. If you encounter a guy like him, thank him for his display of kindness and public civility, and go about your business.

If you happen across a creep, put him in his place and keep it moving! It’s not that hard, and ain’t you a woman?

By the way, I don’t want to leave without saying that searching hair styling tips should not be confused with not 4C “natural hair porn.” I hate the term “porn” to describe any search for the right visuals to inspire any project.

(More on the degradation of thought and language in America later.)