Duncan & Paulette: Eating Cake

This batch of emails is particularly good. Paulette and Ralph finally make it to a church for a wedding, but it’s not their own. They go to watch a couple of friends walk down the aisle. These people are also mutual friends of Duncan’s, so he attends, too. Everyone was having a good time until Duncan aggravated up the tensions between the would-be wedded Ralph & Paulette. As a result of the meddling, Duncan seriously jeopardizes his friendship with Paulette.

To: Paulette Barrow

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 10:30 a.m., EST

From: Emma Billingsley

Subject: When’s the ceremony?

At last, you and Barf are on your way to a church for a wedding. Not your own wedding, because he’s a big jerk, of course. But maybe the spectacle of a man and woman walking down an aisle and exchanging vows will remind him of what he promised you he would do.

***********************************

To: Emma Billingsley

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 10:35 a.m., EST

From: Paulette Barrow

Subject: Re: When’s the ceremony?

Good morning, dear. You are in a chipper mood. The wedding starts at 2 pm.

***********************************

To: Paulette Barrow

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 10:45 a.m., EST

From: Emma Billingsley

Subject: Re: When’s the ceremony?

Seriously. I want you to have a good time. Even if it kills me to see you with Barf.

***********************************

To: Emma Billingsley

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 12:00 p.m., EST

From: Paulette Barrow

Subject: Re: When’s the ceremony?

Thanks. Check my FB for updates.

***********************************

To: Paulette Barrow

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 4:15 p.m., EST

From: Emma Billingsley

Subject: Re: When’s the ceremony?

Awww. That’s a really nice picture of the four of you. It’ll be perfect after I crop out Duncan’s bimbo and your Angry Young Man.

***********************************

To: Emma Billingsley

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 11:00 p.m., EST

From: Paulette Barrow

Subject: Re: When’s the ceremony?

It’s over! Ralph and I broke up tonight. He and Duncan got into another pissing contest and now we are done. It’s awful. I can’t believe this. I didn’t even do anything wrong, but I got caught in the middle of those two hot heads, and now I am the one who is suffering!!

***********************************

To: Paulette Barrow

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 11:34 p.m., EST

From: Ralph Simmons

Subject: When’s the ceremony?

What happened?

***********************************

To: Emma Billingsley

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 11:35 p.m., EST

From: Paulette Barrow

Subject: Re: When’s the ceremony?

We were all having a good time. The wedding was beautiful. You should have seen Anna in her gown. According to my research, it looked like a Bagdley Mishka. Well anyway, I managed to get the four of us in a picture, like the one I sent you. Duncan said I looked nice, and I said ‘thank you.Then he said my hair was very becoming-you know I’m transitioning and I have a blowout. Well Ralph grumbled about how my hair was just fine before, and that going natural just takes up a lot of time now. I said to Ralph that I just wanted to try something new.

***********************************

To: Paulette Barrow

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 11:37 p.m., EST

From: Emma Billingsley

Subject: When’s the ceremony?

Sounds tense. Did you and Barf get into it?!

***********************************

To: Emma Billingsley

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 11:47 p.m., EST

From: Paulette Barrow

Subject: Re: When’s the ceremony?

No. You know how I hate to fight in public. I was ready to let it drop, but then Duncan provoked Ralph. He touched my arm, said I looked great and kissed me on the cheek before walking away. That got Ralph mad.

***********************************

To: Paulette Barrow

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 11:53 p.m., EST

From: Emma Billingsley

Subject: When’s the ceremony?

Serves Barf right. You were his date. He should have been all over you with compliments, reassuring you that one day, you would walk down the aisle and not be stuck in engagement purgatory.

***********************************

To: Emma Billingsley

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 11:55 p.m., EST

From: Paulette Barrow

Subject: Re: When’s the ceremony?

So we got to the reception, and for the most part, the boys were well behaved. Until dessert. Duncan sat next to me with a plate of cake and some champagne and asked if I was going to have anything. I hadn’t gotten any cake or champagne yet, and Ralph was off schmoozing somewhere. So Duncan put his arm on the back of my chair, leaned close to me and fed me the champagne. I was still caught off guard when he put a piece of cake in my mouth. Not with a fork. WITH HIS HANDS. What do you think about that?!

***********************************

To: Paulette Barrow

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 12:28 a.m., EST

From: Emma Billingsley

Subject: Re: When’s the ceremony?

A lot of things. But Barf must have gone ballistic when he saw that, right? And they started fighting again, I suppose.

***********************************

To: Emma Billingsley

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 12:30 p.m., EST

From: Paulette Barrow

Subject: Re: When’s the ceremony?

At first, I was able to get Ralph away from Duncan, and convince him not to make a scene in front of all those people, to get into the car, and try to go home. But Duncan. I’m just shocked at him, he was so smug! They just kept exchanging words in the parking lot. So Duncan got into his car, with his girlfriend who looked at ME like I started all this, and they drove off. So Ralph followed them, the idiot, until they pulled over on some street somewhere. So they get out of the cars and start yelling and calling names and throwing punches!!!  I had had enough. So I took Ralph’s car and started driving off. He realized what was going on, came running after me, and screaming at me, calling me this that and the other.  But he couldn’t get to me before I got in the car and locked it. I kept driving until I got home. Somehow, Ralph got a car or cab or something and came banging on my door a couple hours later. We had an awful fight. He accused me of cheating on him with Duncan. He said he was losing feelings for me. Then he tried to take the ring off my hand. But of course I wouldn’t let him! So he just took his car keys and stormed out.

***********************************

To: Paulette Barrow

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 12:38 a.m., EST

From: Emma Billingsley

Subject: Re: When’s the ceremony?

That sounds horrible, Paulette. No wonder you can’t sleep. Are you going to be OK by yourself?

***********************************

To: Emma Billingsley

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 12:45 p.m., EST

From: Paulette Barrow

Subject: Re: When’s the ceremony?

I’ll have to be. It’s too late for anyone in their right mind to be venturing out just to hold my hand through this, so don’t get any ideas. I can cry tomorrow. Right now I’m completely exhausted. Ralph has wrung me dry, and Duncan … I don’t know what possessed him. He really acted like a smug, provoking jerk tonight. I don’t know what to think about that guy.

***********************************

To: Paulette Barrow

Sent: Sept. 27, 2008, 12:48 a.m., EST

From: Emma Billingsley

Subject: Re: When’s the ceremony?

I know exactly what to think. Obviously, Duncan is A-OK with you and Barf breaking up. I’m a little surprised that he would take matters into his own hands and be so provoking about it, though. But you are upset, and you must be really tired, too. You need to go to bed, so let’s talk in the morning, if you want.

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